


on the last train (baby, kiss it better)

by godmode



Series: (passed down like folk songs) [2]
Category: Red Velvet (K-pop Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, College, F/F, lapslock
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-28
Updated: 2020-07-28
Packaged: 2021-03-06 05:48:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,752
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25568524
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/godmode/pseuds/godmode
Summary: “i called because you’d get it—you don’t like noise and this city is so loud all the time; i can’t hear myself speak or even think. i don’t know if i love what i do anymore or if i’m even good at it. i don’t know why i’m here when all i want to do is be with you, at the park, sharing overcooked convenience store ramyeon. so i called. because i don’t think there’s anyone in my life right now who can make me not feel so bad about myself like you can.”and joohyun gets it, because she misses her too.
Relationships: Bae Joohyun | Irene/Son Seungwan | Wendy
Series: (passed down like folk songs) [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1847173
Comments: 12
Kudos: 77





	on the last train (baby, kiss it better)

**Author's Note:**

> this was supposed to be a short one shot, but clearly my brain said No
> 
> had to take some creative liberty with their ages to make this fic make sense, hope it's not too distracting.

joohyun finds an angel in the middle of a party.

or, at the end of one is more like it. 

she had been at the bar for 30 minutes, which was exactly how long she had promised her roommate, seulgi, she would stay for. nearly 32, if she’s being fussy—it took her longer than anticipated to duck out of the very one-sided conversation she’d been having with some trust-fund business major and squeeze past the sweaty bodies blocking the door. she thinks she’s gone above and beyond in roommate/best friend duties for the night, actually. 

she had just taken a step outside when she stumbles over the curb and into the street. she whips around, small fists at the ready to lay into whoever had just bumped into her (or worse, had thought that shoving her was an appropriate conversation starter). the person behind her, eyes as wide as saucers, lets out a squeak and is pouring out apologies before she can even relax her hands.

“i am so sorry, are you okay? i really didn’t mean to push you like that, let me help you up.“

“it’s okay. i’m fine.”

“are you sure? do you wanna sit down? maybe you twisted your ankle or something, the curb’s kinda high—“

“really, i’m fine. see?” joohyun emphasizes her words by rolling out both ankles in large circles. 

the relief is palpable on the other girl’s face as she nods, hair aggressively flying along with her movements.

there’s a pause, and in any other situation this would be where joohyun walks away, but something compels her to ask, “was there something you needed?”

“oh, right! i saw you take your keys out of your bag and you definitely don’t seem like someone who would drive drunk but i was just going to ask to make sure, you know? it’s good to be sure. anyways, then i thought it’s not safe to be out walking after dark alone, especially since it seemed like that guy you were talking to was going to follow you out. i was just about to leave, too so i just figured, um. do you maybe wanna walk back to the dorms together?” the girl fidgets throughout the entirety of her response, tugging at her shirt here and readjusting her bangs there.

“i live off campus, actually, right by the train station. these were my house keys,” she holds out her keychain, dangling it from her fingertips. the keys sway like a wind chime and glint in the night. “and i’m sober—i don’t drink at parties,” she responds, and almost immediately the girl’s face falls. something tugs at her stomach and she hurries to add, “but i appreciate the concern, truly. if you’re headed in the same direction as i am, i don’t mind the company.”

the girl nods furiously again. “okay, if you’re sure! my dorm’s right by the edge of campus, up north.”

joohyun simply tilts her head towards that direction, a silent invitation for the girl to join her, who quickly falls in line with her steps. 

the momentary silence they share is broken by, “i’m seungwan, by the way. or well, wendy, but also seungwan—i went to high school in the US. you can call me either, i don’t mind.”

joohyun glances over at her companion. “nice to meet you, seungwan. i’m joohyun.”

they’ve just made it to the end of the street when seungwan pipes up again. “if you live off campus you must be an upperclassman, how’s that going? what do you study?”

joohyun resists an urge to sigh. quiet walks home were her preferred means of unwinding, and with finals on the horizon, she had even planned on taking the long way home to give her mind the peace she knows it won’t have for the next two weeks. still, she indulges seungwan—it would be rude not to answer and she knows the girl is just trying to be friendly. campus life can be lonely, after all. 

“cognitive science, with a machine learning focus. i’m a senior, so there’s grad school and also the rest of my life on my mind all the time, but it’s fine. what about you? how’s college been so far?”

seungwan moves to respond and almost right away her fingers start up again, fluttering around the air nervously. 

they’re a bit like butterflies, joohyun muses.

“cog sci, cool! that’s like, robots, right? i’m a journalism major—hence all the questions—with a minor in music theory,” she answers, rubbing at the back of her neck. “i’m actually a junior—i’m on a year-long study abroad program here which is why i’m living in the dorms. if all goes well, i’ll be staying in seoul for my journalism residency next year, too. my roommate’s awesome; parties aren’t as fun without her. i’m heading back early to study with her instead.”

they continue their walk like this, question and answer and question again. it’s nice. joohyun even feels a little disappointed when seungwan’s dorm (a ghastly brutalist excuse of a building) looms into sight. something about her makes her feel like she’s catching up with a childhood best friend, not making small talk with a stranger whom she'll never see again.

they slow to a stop in front of the building. joohyun is about to wave goodbye when seungwan grabs her hand, scribbling something down with a pen that seemingly materialized out of nowhere.

“sorry, sorry—my phone’s out of battery or else i wouldn’t be marking up your skin like this. don’t worry, it’s washable,” she murmurs, clicking her pen with a flourish. “can you text me when you get back to your house? to make sure you get back okay.”

she squints at the numbers on her palm and raises an eyebrow at seungwan. “where did you even get that pen from?”

she pulls it back out of her pocket, along with a small notepad. “journalism student, remember?”

joohyun laughs, the bright sound cutting through the crisp air. “good night, seungwan,” she says softly, and starts heading back down the street after she gets a little wave in response. 

she doesn’t look back, but if she had, she would’ve seen seungwan’s figure waiting in the doorway for her to disappear out of sight.

seulgi’s already home when joohyun pushes the door open, sprawled across the couch in her pajamas. 

“why are you back so early? i thought you wanted to get the,” and here joohyun makes exaggerated air quotes with her fingers, “party bug out of your system before finals start.”

“someone spilled their beer on me and i didn’t feel like sticking around after that, so i asked byulyi for a ride home,” she replies. she looks up from her phone for the first time and narrows her eyes. “wait, why are _you_ back so late? i could’ve sworn i saw you leave right when the clock hit 9:30.”

joohyun holds up the hand with seungwan’s number written on it. “new friend,” is all she offers before heading into her bedroom.

she cackles at the loud yelp behind her when seulgi trips scrambling off of the couch. “yah, what do you mean ‘new friend’? i want an explanation! why is this locked?” she sputters, rattling at the doorknob. 

“i’m changing!” joohyun yells, flopping onto her bed with her phone in hand.

“we’ve been friends since we were 10, i’ve seen it all already. open up!”

“go to bed, dummy, it’s late,” she calls back, giggling at seulgi’s frustrated groan. she unlocks her phone and adds seungwan’s number to her contacts, ignoring the way her phone immediately pings with text notifications. 

“hey seungwan, it’s joohyun. i just got back home. good luck with finals, feel free to reach out if you need anything! good night :)”

she wrinkles her nose at the formality of the message, but decides against a fourth rewrite and presses send.

her unread texts count grows exponentially and reluctantly, she opens up her chat with seulgi.

ddeulgi: hey  
ddeulgi: what was that about  
ddeulgi: how dare you have friends other than me  
ddeulgi: but if it’s a “friend” that’s ok ;))  
ddeulgi: are they cute what’s their name when are you meeting the parents  
ddeulgi: when are THEY meeting the parents  
ddeulgi: aka me  
ddeulgi: i’m the parents  
ddeulgi: wait it’s not the guy you were talking to earlier right bc gross  
ddeulgi: i mean if you like him then i guess, but still gross  
ddeulgi: his hair looked greasy even in the dark  
ddeulgi: hello  
ddeulgi: helloooooooo  
ddeulgi: you can’t ignore me forever, we live together. i know where you keep all your stuff  
ddeulgi: including this household’s last package of tteokbokki  
ddeulgi: ;;;;)

joohyunnie: stop spamming me, my phone is going to crash  
joohyunnie: i’ll tell you over breakfast tomorrow  
joohyunnie: if you cook :)

there’s faint thump by her ear, which she thinks is seulgi tossing a pillow at her against her wall. 

her phone vibrates again, twice. her eyes squint at the bright screen, fingers already prepared to tell seulgi off for spamming her again. 

seungwan: good!!! let me treat you to coffee as a thanks for walking me back to my dorm! what’s your schedule looking like?  
seungwan: and you have a good night and a good finals week too :)

* * *

dead week passes by in a blur.

finals week…doesn’t.

it goes on forever and when she walks into her last fall semester final _ever_ , she feels like she’s been put through the wringer ten times over, dragged through sticky glue, and dumped into a truckload of flour.

she’s been having weird stress dreams.

thankfully, her last final is just a presentation, which she breezes through easily. her professor’s follow up questions don’t faze her in the slightest, and she walks back to her seat with pride and adrenaline running through her system.

after bidding her professor farewell, joohyun leaves the classroom and spots seungwan, dressed in a vintage tee and skinny jeans. she’s standing with a foot propped up against the wall, mindlessly spinning a pen between her fingers.

joohyun’s reminded of some james dean movie seulgi had to analyze for a film studies class.

seungwan’s enthusiastic, “joohyun, hey!” snaps her out of her reverie, and the two meet each other halfway in the hallway.

to joohyun’s surprise, they’d been texting each other on and off since the night of the party. mostly just short check-ins, but she appreciates seungwan’s dedication to keeping in touch with her all the same. they had even met up at the library a few times to study together. 

seungwan had finished her finals early (a perk of being a journalism major is that in-person tests are few and far between), but since she’s sticking around for break they had made plans to grab coffee after joohyun was done with hers.

they walk to joohyun’s favorite coffeeshop in relative silence, content with just sharing a space with one another. 

when they get there, seungwan reaches around her to pull the door open. “after you,” she says, giving a mock bow. joohyun swats at her arm as she walks in, a light pink dusting her cheeks anyways.

she drops her backpack off at the only open table she sees, tucked into the back corner. seungwan follows her closely and puts a hand out to stop her from getting up again.

“my treat, remember?” she says, walking off before joohyun could protest. she makes eye contact with her as she waits by the pick-up counter, smiling at the exasperated look on joohyun’s face. 

she comes back a few minutes later, hot chocolate in one hand and a citrus tea in the other. “if you even try to pay me back i’m drinking both of these,” she warns, as though reading joohyun’s mind. 

joohyun gives her a look again, but relents. “fine. thank you,” she says, the latter gentler then the first.

“so you’re spending all of winter break in daegu?”

joohyun wraps both hands around her cup before nodding. “yeah, trying to spend as many winters with my parents as i can before i officially move to seoul. not like i had much option in company, either—these four years have proven i’m better with machines than people.”

seungwan furrows her brows at that before vehemently shaking her head. “that’s definitely not true. you’ve got seulgi, jennie, plus your friends back in daegu. and anyways, it’s better to have a few people who really love you than many who say they do but only in the ’l-u-v’ way, you know?”

she pauses.

“you’ve also got me, for what it’s worth.”

she pauses again.

“also, my roommate’s been dying to meet you, so i guess you’ve got her too.”

joohyun laughs at that, ducking her head bashfully. “what, do you talk to her about me a lot?”

she expects seungwan to play it off, maybe change the subject.

what she doesn’t expect is the nod she gets accompanied by too-honest eyes and, “of course. you’re one of my favorite people here.” 

the coffeeshop is busy, even for midday, filled with the white noise of espresso machines and people minding their own business. 

in a different universe, each one of those people could be her, but it’s in this one that she exists. it’s in this one that seungwan is seungwan, and there just so happens to be a _her and seungwan_. she’s not sure what to make of that. 

her heartbeat thunders in her ears.

* * *

despite her protests, seulgi insists on driving her to the train station.

(“it’s literally a 5 minute walk, seul. don’t waste your gas on me.”

“never put yourself and the word ‘waste’ in the same sentence again, bae joohyun. besides, what kind of best friend would i be if i made you walk to the station with all your luggage? i have to give you a proper send off.”

“…i have one suitcase, and i’m leaving for winter break, not enlistment.”)

seulgi waits for the train with her, too. they’re sitting on the station bench, pinkies interlocked and legs swinging, when they hear footsteps come to a halt in front of them.

it’s seungwan.

“hey! sorry, let me catch my breath. the timetable said the train’s just about to get here; i must’ve sprinted like 3 blocks.” she’s bent over her knees, panting, so her words come out garbled.

she straightens back up and holds out a paper bag to joohyun.

“i know you were still packing this morning and i wasn’t sure if you’d have the chance to grab something to eat so i packed you a lunch. sorry about the bag, sooyoung used all of my nice ones for her christmas gifts.”

joohyun looks down. the bag in question is simple, brown, but has stickers pasted all over and the words, “for joohyun (if not joohyun do not eat!)”, written inside of a crayon heart. 

the train pulls into the station then. the rumble of wheels on tracks syncs up with her heartbeat and reverberates throughout her chest. joohyun’s not sure why she feels so achey.

“oh, i guess that’s you, then.” seungwan presses the bag into her hands and, in one smooth movement, pulls her into a hug. “have a good break and merry christmas, joohyun. text me when you get home?” 

seulgi observes their interactions with amusement, returning seungwan’s wave when she pulls back. “you want a ride back to campus, seungwan?”

she shakes her head. “i’m meeting some friends for lunch nearby so i’m going to get going. you have a good break too, seulgi.”

after seungwan turns to leave, joohyun sees seulgi open her mouth and quickly interrupts her. “keep it to yourself, kang seulgi,” she says, to which seulgi holds up both hands in surrender.

“i wasn’t going to say anything! just wanted to tell you to have a good break,” she says defensively.

joohyun rolls her eyes and makes shooing motions with her hands. “whatever, you have a good break too; my mom’s offer is still on the table if you wanna trek down to daegu for christmas. drive back safely, okay?”

seulgi nods, slowly walking backwards towards the parking lot. “you know i will. text me when you get home?” her last sentence is punctuated by a cheeky grin that only stretches wider when she sees joohyun lift a fist in mock threat.

joohyun feels her phone vibrate in her pocket almost immediately after the train’s doors close.

ddeulgi: still not saying anything, but if i was,  
ddeulgi: i’d say that in the past two weeks you haven’t bugged me about separating the laundry by color even once, you only started freaking out over your presentation two days before the deadline instead of five, and  
ddeulgi: you laugh more easily now  
ddeulgi: :D

joohyunnie: don’t text and drive.

* * *

things are different when the new semester starts.

she and seungwan have one class together, a graphic design class which seungwan takes for a credit requirement and joohyun because she’s graduating in five months and she’s starting to panic. is it too late to change her major? it's definitely too late to change her major.

she should ask her advisor just in case.

joohyun’s trying to cope. seungwan helps her. 

instead of immediately drafting email after email to her advisor when she feels the walls of her room closing in on her, she texts seungwan. or calls her. or facetimes her. or lets her drag her out to a convenience store and commiserate over a pint of ice cream.

see, she could turn to seulgi for advice—and she does. but seulgi’s known her for too long, knows exactly what she’s going to say just from the ways her brows furrow and always has the right response at the ready.

seungwan doesn’t, so she listens. some nights that’s exactly what joohyun needs—someone to listen to her talk herself into circles and then, when it hits 3 am and even seungwan’s starting to feel a little antsy—gently point out that the way out’s right behind her. 

they learn each other over the course of the semester, sharing stories and debating politics over bad coffee and late night ramyeon. 

seungwan is the first person joohyun calls after she finishes her senior thesis (not the first person to know, of course—seulgi was there to see her dot her last i and cross her last t, and had tackled her to the floor with a bone-crushing hug). even though the call came at nearly midnight, seungwan still shows up at their usual spot by the lake, ice cream in tow.

she asks to read her thesis, and when, in lieu of a response to joohyun’s question of what she thought, she kisses her, it makes sense. 

it’s a little awkward—seungwan thinks she might pull a muscle with how she’s angled over joohyun’s laptop that’s still resting on her lap. but still, she leans in again and again and again, chasing after the lingerings of strawberry on joohyun’s lips. it’s cold, but soft, and silhouetted against the glow of the park’s street lights, everything sings of pink.

graduation comes and goes without much fanfare. joohyun had gotten accepted into a master’s program at the university and seulgi, liking the freedom that it offered, had decided to spend the year guest teaching at various art schools in the city, so they both end up staying in seoul. they extend their lease on their apartment and things are pretty much the same as they were a year before.

except now seungwan and sooyoung are living in the unit right next to theirs. they make two more servings of dinner more days than not now and joohyun’s given up on getting sooyoung to give her proper notice before she comes over, so she’s made her a copy of their key and even gave her her own spot on their shoe rack. sure, more noise filters in through their not-quite-soundproof walls now, but when seungwan rings the doorbell every morning with a hand to hold and a packed lunch as offerings, she can’t find it in herself to mind.

the first week of the semester turns into the last, which turns into winter break, and again they find themselves at the train station. 

joohyun and seulgi had decided to split their breaks between cities: the first half with joohyun’s family in daegu and the second with seulgi’s in ansan. seungwan was headed to the airport, wanting to surprise her family with her arrival in toronto and the news that she had been offered an official position at the media company at the end of her residency.

this time, they board the train together. 

though seungwan hadn’t packed her a lunch this time, she shares her headphones and holds her hand the entirety of the ride, tightening her grip when they pass through tunnels. when they part ways at seoul station, seungwan kisses her, hard, and leaves her slightly dazed. judging by the way her girlfriend bumps into everyone as she exits the train, she’s not the only one who is. 

seulgi hands her a mirror and suggests that she fix her lipstick. the flush on her cheeks matches the color smudged over the corners of her mouth.

when joohyun goes to pick seungwan up at the airport when she gets back, their fingers slot into each other’s like a second home.

* * *

it’s two weeks after seungwan’s graduation when everything changes.

they’re walking back home, choosing to take the winding trails of the park instead of the main road because joohyun can always tell when there’s something on seungwan’s mind.

sure enough, they’re a little further into their walk when seungwan speaks. “my boss called me in today. there’s an investigative journalist opening at one of their sister companies and they wanted an english speaker to fill it. it’s more permanent than my position now and pays better, too.” she keeps her eyes fixed on their joined hands.

joohyun gasps and pulls her into a hug. “that’s amazing, congratulations!”

seungwan looks up at her and forces a smile. 

“it’s in new york.” 

a heartbeat stutters. 

“if i accept it, i’ll have to leave next week.”

a breath rushes out.

“i haven’t told my boss anything yet.”

joohyun looks at her, _really_ looks at her. watches the way her pupils dart around but her eyes are clear. how her teeth worry at her lip but there’s no tremble. 

she brings her free hand up to seungwan’s face. gently tugs her lower lip free with her thumb. and makes up her mind.

“i’ll help you pack.”

seungwan pulls back from joohyun, her hands immediately going to her hair. “wait, what? no, i haven’t even decided if i’m going or not yet. there’s still lots to consider—" she stammers.

joohyun grips her by the shoulders, fixes her bangs as best as she can. knows too much about being lost and what a _gift_ it is to _be sure_. “you’re going,” she says, quietly but firmly. “you’re going because you’ve worked your ass off for this opportunity, and because you want to and i can see that. you’re going because you’re not staying. not for me. i don’t want you to do that.”

seungwan’s lips do crumple then and she launches herself at joohyun, wrapping her arms around her tight. “thank you,” she whispers, taking in a shaky breath.

joohyun gives her a smile, a genuine one. “we’ll figure it out, okay?”

she grabs her hand again and revels in the way seungwan seems to calm immediately.

it makes her think that they’ll make it through.

* * *

they don’t.

* * *

it’s three months of delayed texts and facetime calls that drop and aren’t picked up again before joohyun gathers the courage to say what’s been haunting both of their minds.

it’s not working out.

the breakup isn’t messy and bodes no ill will but they both cry anyway, and in separate, drunken bouts of anger, delete each other’s number. 

seulgi sleeps in joohyun’s room almost every night and sooyoung calls seungwan every day for hours, time difference be damned. they text each other updates on how their person is doing, because yes, seungwan and joohyun were girlfriends, but they were also friends. somewhere along the line all four of them became a pod, and that’s something precious, too.

joohyun tries not to resent seungwan for accepting the offer without question and tries not to resent herself for giving up so quickly. 

forgiveness comes easily, actually—maybe because there was nothing to forgive or seek an apology for in the first place. it’s not too long before she’s sheepishly asking seulgi for seungwan’s number again.

she imagines all the different universes that she and seungwan exist in and hopes that in at least one of them, she gets to try again.

(halfway across the world, seungwan and sooyoung are going through the same motions.)

* * *

seungwan calls her after the breakup exactly twice. 

the first time, joohyun only picks up because she knows that seungwan would never call when she was in class unless it was important.

she grabs her stuff and ducks out of the classroom, and presses answer.

seungwan’s voice is heavy. joohyun hears it clearer than anything else in the world.

“my boss yelled at me today. i had to ask for a second extension on my article because i know, i _know_ that there’s a story here. but the words aren’t coming to me anymore and i think i’m losing my ability to ask good questions because all of my sources sound incredibly one-note and i just…” she trails off, taking a shaky breath.

“just?” joohyun prompts.

“i called because you’d get it—you don’t like noise and this city is so _loud_ all the time; i can’t hear myself speak or even think. i don’t know if i love what i do anymore or if i’m even good at it. i don’t know why i’m here when all i want to do is be with you, at the park, sharing overcooked convenience store ramyeon. so i called. because i don’t think there’s anyone in my life right now who can make me not feel so bad about myself like you can.”

and joohyun gets it, because she misses her too. so she swings the second strap of her backpack properly over her shoulder, makes a note to make up an emergency to email her professor about, and heads for the door.

“i’ll head to the park right now, can i call you back when i get there?”

the second time, joohyun’s home alone. she’s feeling restless, but with seulgi gone (byulyi had apparently brought another corgi home), all she’s been doing is mindlessly scrolling through netflix.

her phone vibrates from where it’s resting on the coffee table, rattling against the glass loudly enough to make her jump. 

she pauses for a beat when she sees the caller id but picks it up smoothly. 

“back for another therapy session?”

she hears seungwan’s dry laugh over the phone. “haha, very funny. i do have another favor to ask of you, though. are you still living in the same apartment as before?”

joohyun thinks she hears her voice echo faintly. “yeah, i am. what’s up?” she asks, sitting up straight.

“i got put on this pretty big assignment, top secret global politics stuff,” her voice drops down into an exaggerated whisper before normalizing in volume again, “and i got placed back in seoul for the time being. could i crash at your place until i find a more permanent place to stay?”

joohyun’s heart pounds in her chest. she’s quick to respond. “yeah, of course. when are you getting here?”

the doorbell rings. 

she’s halfway to the door before she even hears seungwan’s response. 

“um. right now?”

she swings the door open and seungwan’s looking back at her. her bangs have grown out and the circles under her eyes are more prominent than before, but her eyes are bright and she’s smiling and most importantly, she’s here.

“hey,” she hears herself saying.

seungwan quips, “hey back,” before typing something into her phone.

joohyun’s phone vibrates in her hand. she lifts it up, and there on the home screen—

seungwan: i’m home.

* * *

  
_i knew you’d miss me once the thrill expired_  
_and you’d be standing in my front porch light_  
_and i knew you’d come back to me_  
_you’d come back to me_

_-_ cardigan, taylor swift  


**Author's Note:**

> some additional swiftvelvet thoughts:  
> \- when seungwan's living in new york, she's most definitely living on cornelia street  
> \- and when she says nyc is too loud, it's bc the city's screaming her (joohyun's) name ~
> 
> also, quick q: does the all lowercase make it hard to read? it's purely a stylistic choice so i have no issue w going back and capitalizing everything if it makes it more accessible to everyone :)
> 
> on twitter and tumblr as @abseulution, come say hi!


End file.
